Well, here it is pals and gals, the first of my Illustration Friday posts. The word this week was “discovery” and my story is about what happens when you notice a little lump…


     I first noticed the lump one morning as I was brushing my teeth. I know that when you discover something like that, you should report it to your doctor immediately, but I was running late for work and it didn’t seem all that important.
     The lump was about a foot and a half in diameter and an almost perfect sphere, except that it was attached to the side of my head. It was bright purple in color – well lavender, really – with long silky hairs that might have been covering a large eye directly in its center. I didn’t really examine it all that closely – like I said, I was late for work.
     At work, I think people noticed the lump. Marjorie, our admin assistant, looked like she was going to say something, but she didn’t. I stopped over at Frank’s cube for a few minutes to talk about our fantasy football league, he looked a little worried, but I guess he thought it would have been impolite to say anything.
     During my lunch break I slaughtered all the puny humans that resided in our company’s primitive office building with my telekinesis. I had a meeting scheduled right after lunch, but nobody showed up, as usual. It had probably been cancelled and everybody just forgot to tell me. I spent the rest of the afternoon playing solitaire.
     The whole thing with the lump had been kind of depressing me, so I figured I needed a change, so after work, instead of taking the bus like I usually did, I levitated home – on the way, I destroyed City Hall, which was good because I’d been promising myself I’d get more exercise. I made a note to see about joining a gym tomorrow.
     It was Thursday and I usually watch “Starsky and Hutch” on Thursday nights, but that night the show had been pre-empted. They kept showing news footage of me destroying City Hall. When I saw myself on TV, the lump on my head looked a lot bigger than it had that morning – that worried me a little bit, but I figured it wasn’t really that important. After all, if it had been something bad, I wouldn’t be feeling well, and I felt fine, actually better than I had in a long time. I shut off the TV, offered up the evening prayer to Bl’Ar’ateth the Flame God, and went to bed.
     I woke up early the next morning. Actually, it was the screams that had woken me up. Apparently, during the night, I had gotten up and ritualistically slaughtered almost everyone in my apartment building, leaving the survivors to die a slow and painful death surrounded by the corpses of their fellows. This wasn’t a big deal, I was always a light sleeper. Also, I had grown a third arm coming out of my stomach.
     I went to work, but the building I worked at wasn’t there any more, so I figured that meant I had the day off. I was going to call Susan, in Human Resources, just to be on the safe side, but I remembered I had killed her yesterday. So I went to the zoo instead.
     At the zoo, I recorded all the species of plants and animals on this planet that might possibly be a threat to my race. This would come in handy when the mother ships landed on this pitiful planet. Suddenly I felt a keen sense of regret that I had killed my boss yesterday – he was always trying to get me to think ahead like that.
     I fought the National Guard that afternoon, it was kind of boring. The lump itched a little bit, but I figured that was just its eye getting ready to open, I wasn’t really all that worried about it.
     The next day, I destroyed the White House, forced the president to kiss my feet (they had turned into tentacles, actually) and swear an oath of fealty to the invasion force of Altair VII. Then I went on television demanding the immediate surrender of all Earth’s governments.
     I’m eating more aluminum than I used to. Occasionally sparks of lightning leap from my fingers. Whenever the eye on the lump opens, I feel myself in communion with ancient primal deities anxious to get a toe-hold in this dimension. Also, I’m afraid I might need glasses.
     I know its probably nothing, but I’m still a little bit worried about the lump. I should probably get it looked at…one of these days.

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